Ten years ago, the Spouse surprised me with a ring. New Year’s Eve, the night of high romance and optimism, and we were already engaged.
In October, we had decided against a ring. It seemed unnecessary and expensive, and there were so many other directions we were about to throw our money. And, as I had proposed to him, the question of a ring might have been a little awkward. Will you marry me? Now, will you buy me gold?
Instead, I bought him a fancy leather hat, and we planned for June.
But on New Year’s Eve, the Spouse-to-be slipped a small drawstring bag into my hands. Not even a box to spill the beans before I saw the sparkle. The ring was perfect. An old fashioned Birk’s ring, a high setting with two red spinels and a diamond in the middle. It had been his grandmother’s ring, and his mother had sent it from Nanaimo to Ottawa by courier just in time for New Year’s. So, that midnight saw me all a-twinkle and glowy. The Spouse-to-be said it made my hand look elegant.
I was delighted to wear my new ring back to work. That winter, I worked in a kitchen shop, and the ring kept getting snagged on things: stacks of tea towels, cardboard candle boxes, the tissue paper we used to wrap up purchases. It kept getting my attention, too, and I liked that. And I liked that it wasn’t just our ring, that it had been worn before. Longevity is significant.
On the day of our wedding, I wore the engagement ring on my ring hand, leaving my left hand ready for the wedding ring. At the reception, I kept looking at the rings on both hands – I thought maybe I’d leave them like that. Two hands bearing witness to the commitments we had made.
I’ve been reading wedding vows recently. In a couple of weeks, I will be conducting a service of renewal for a couple at the church, and so I’ve got a bit of homework to do on marriage renewal services. There’s a good one in Common Order, and in the opening statements, there is a strong reflection on witness.
“In Christian marriage, God makes his servants one. Their life together is a witness to God’s love in this troubled world, a love by which unity overcomes division, forgiveness heals injury, and joy triumphs over sorrow.”
So the witness isn’t just to the commitment made by the couple; it is a witness to the love of God. That’s a beautiful gift – that by living out our family life, we can participate in revealing God’s love. In the midst of the messiness of balancing home and community, work and kids, in the middle of long days, late nights and learning to read, making soup, making peace, and listening to each other and wondering about tomorrow together, we get to play a part in the greater story of God’s love for all the world. Daily, we get to plant our feet on the side of unity, forgiveness and joy.
And, in doing so, we also witness to each other. For ten years, I’ve had the Spouse to help me live out this bit experimental practical theology. The rings may be an excellent reminder, but I’m more glad for the company.
