The following quiz is intended solely for the amusement of married couples. Keep in mind that quiz results should not be brought up during petty arguments, loud disagreements or in front of the children. Please answer the questions honestly, bearing in mind that while it is impossible to fail this test, your answers may determine whether or not you spend the night on the couch.
- When you are wrong, you will admit it to your partner:
- Within seconds
- Just as soon as cows produce root beer
- Usually before sunset
- On your most recent vacation, you:
- Strolled sun-soaked beaches barefoot, then basked in the glow of each other's eyes
- Left messages on each other's answering machines
- Had to come home for a rest
- Which of the following most accurately describes the frequency of your love-making?
- Tri-weekly
- Try weakly
- Try weekly
- Complete this sentence: I believe the Children of Israel wandered in the wilderness for 40 years because:
- God was testing their marriages
- Moses refused to ask his wife for directions
- Moses wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land once they got there
- When you're watching TV together, who controls the remote?
- We do not watch television; we go for walks and talk about our feelings
- I do
- Whoever gets it first
- The food which best sums up your spouse's kiss:
- Red hot chili peppers
- Airline omelet
- Hot apple pie
- The movie title that best sums up your sex life:
- Some Like It Hot
- Gone With The Wind
- As Good As It Gets
- Your definition of communication is:
- I am attentive to my partner's communication needs. I listen well and share openly my thoughts, aspirations and feelings.
- Nintendo
- Sorry, I was distracted. Could you repeat the question?
- Your 14-year-old daughter asks if she can go on a date. You will:
- Explain to her that open communication, trust, dependability, and good character are the determining factors in such a decision; that when she shows all of these characteristics simultaneously and is mature enough to set an example for her little sister she will be permitted to take part in group dating, followed by double dating, both of which will prepare her for the responsibility of single couple dating at a later time, always chaperoned
- Laugh uncontrollably
- Briefly consider installing landmines in the front yard
- Aliens from the planet Plutanza have landed on your roof to observe your marriage and file a report. They describe you as:
- Inseparable
- Single
- Tired, but fun. Let's import this lifestyle for the benefit of our fellow Plutanzanians
- It's 12:30 a.m. and neither of you can sleep. Your spouse says, "Honey, I'm hungry, would you get me a slice of cheese?" You say:
- Is that all, Sweetheart? How about a salad with croutons?
- Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
- How thick shall I slice it?
How to score: First of all, you have to romance your wife, then… whoops… wrong kind of scoring. If you answered "a" more than six times, thanks for taking this quiz during your honeymoon. We wish you all the best in the years ahead. If you found yourself gravitating to the "b" responses, please take an aspirin and resubscribe to this publication in the morning. Also … find a soft pillow. It's time to sleep on the couch. If you chose "c" five or more times, you've got a good thing going. Collect 17 bonus points if you also answered "a" more than once. Sounds like some flexibility, lots of laughter and a servant heart are keeping your marriage fresh.
Now, break out the ginger ale, it's time to try weekly!
