Someone asked me recently what I do. I said, “I follow teenagers around the house. I shut lights off. It's a full-time job.”
We are a SITCOM family: Single Income Teenage Children Outa Money. Squinty-eyed prophets of doom programmed us to believe that when teenagers arrived I would lose my sense of humour, my dignity, my wallet, and my hair. They were right about the first two. Oh sure, we've had our moments of fear and uncertainty. We've shed some tears, bought some headache pills and lost some sleep. But five keys have kept us thriving at a time when so many are just surviving. Here they are:
Try laughter. Life can be deadly serious for a teenager. The teenage years are roller coaster years. Teens are wondering whose rules to respect, whose lifestyle to adopt, and who on earth kidnapped their body and began doing experiments on it. And so they need the stability of a home where laughter is never far away. Wholesome laughter is a testimony to our children that it's gonna be okay. That God is big enough to see us through the next exam, the next relational hiccup, and the next bout with acne.
Exercise flexibility. Chuck Swindoll once wrote, “When it comes to rearing teenagers, rigidity is lethal. Parents who refuse to flex, who insist on everything remaining exactly as it was in earlier years can expect their kids to rebel.” We figure if our kids are gonna party, we'd like it to happen about 20 feet away. The music may be annoying, but we're getting to the age where we can't hear it anyway.
Encourage vulnerability. Teens can smell a fake a mile away. Their baloney detector is set on high. So be real. Say you're sorry. Make sure they know you were a teenager once; even if was before the invention of electricity. Your kids aren't expecting you to be cool. They don't expect you to know who Brad Pitt's latest wife is. They need you to be real.
Nurture through affirmation. My teenagers have doubted my sanity at times, but never my love for them. They know there is no hour of the day or night during which they are forbidden to flop on my bed and tell me of their problems. I may keep sleeping, but at least they can talk. Yes, there are times i'd rather lecture than listen. I'd rather watch The Amazing Race than take them out for a mediocre milkshake. But in a kick-in-the-pants world, our teens are starving for a pat on the back, a listening ear and the magic words, “Waytago! youdabest!”
Stay connected. Do whatever it takes to keep the lines of communication open. We're not an extravagant bunch. But through the years we have dropped almost everything at the first sign of a possible family vacation. After our family had travelled together across an ocean (thanks to Uncle Airmiles), someone squinted at me and asked, “You took your kids?” you bet we did. I have yet to meet someone in a nursing home who ever regretted such an investment.
Those who are wise enough to allow their teens room to breathe, who listen more than lecture, who remain calm when screaming seems a vastly better option, will find that the teenage years are invigorating, adventuresome, and if you're not careful, even rewarding.
And for those who are afraid of seeing the teenage years come to an end, don't worry. There isn't a teenager i know who hasn't gone out into the brave new world without eventually returning home starved. and carrying a bundle of dirty laundry.
