In response to the printing of this article, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. As I was reading, “…and I long for God’s releasing word: ‘What I have cleansed, do not call impure or unclean…’ I read how Peter’s peers dropped the barriers and brought their uncircumcised brothers into fellowhip, and I see the possibility of the church today being reconciled and open to change,” I cried tears of hope and joy.
In an effort to try ernestly to believe and live out the concept that homosexuality is a choice, I have lived much of my life ‘choosing’ to be heterosexual. After all, this is what the church was teaching me, and thus I simply believed that it must be true. The result was to live much of my life feeling less than whole, feeling untrue within myself but not knowing why; feeling less than worthy; and as one who is not truly lovable to God. Yet, I trusted in the truths as they were taught to me. As mentioned in the article, I too questioned the promise that Christ told us we would have life, and have it more abundantly. Often I questioned what I was doing wrong. Why did my life feet empty and meaningless when God promises quite the opposite. More recently, my heart was more open to hearing the greater commandments Jesus gives us. I came to understand that I could only love others and love God to the extent that I was able to love myself! Looking back I can see how God prepared my heart and led me to a place where I could hear God say, “yes you are gay, but that’s OK.”
It has only been in accepting this fact; in understanding that inspite of having a wife and kids–choosing to make heterosexual choices, I am still homosexual. My moral lifestyle has not changed other than to live in the honesty of who I am. Buying into the understanding that homosexuality is wrong, I have lived most of my life believing I was impure/unclean. What a gift to finally understand that this orientation that is part of me just is. In accepting this, at long last, I too could fully accept being washed in God’s love. I too can come to God just as I am without one plea. The past two years have been a hard journey, but one full of love and blessing!
It has only been through the acceptance of the homosexual orientation that is such a core part of my being that I have been able to fully accept and embrace God’s love.
And, I am happy to report that as I share this truth with many of my fellow Presbyterian Christians, most are choosing to respond in love rather than judgement. Many don’t understand, some don’t agree; yet they are choosing to love as God would have them love.
As one who has denied my true orientation and and thus hidden so as not to present as an outcast, there has been great spiritual freedom in releasing myself from this dilemma. As one who chooses to continue expressing my faith through the Presbyterian Church, it has been a gift to experience some evidence of “the church today being reconciled and open to change.” It is not just a possibility, it is happening. Amen! Thank you Joyce for sharing this story, sharing our rejection, and sharing this hope for acceptance and change.
