We began this meandering path in the hope that the little joys and questions of one puzzled guy in the pews might reverberate with others and that some might nod in recognition as we walk a common road. I would be surprised if what follows records an unusual experience among those who volunteer for a role in church governance, and look forward to any comments you care to make at the end of this story.
One of the things about joining a church, it soon became clear, is that you’re expected to serve God. Apparently that meant more than just showing up on Sundays, ruminating about the message, and dropping a few dollars in the plate. You actually gotta do something.
In some ways, I was lucky. I had learned through several years of close association with the Canadian Forces that you’re supposed to give back to the community. Visit Gagetown or Petawawa or any military community and you’ll find CF members of all ranks coaching hockey, organizing clubs or volunteering in dozens of volunteer activities. In addition to seeking spiritual nourishment, the church was my choice to give back.
Helping in the kitchen, ushering and pouring after-service coffee was easy and fun. A once-a-month meeting and a few phone calls on behalf of our twinning partners at the Saskatoon Native Circle Ministry were both educational, enriching and ongoing sources of inspiration.
They didn’t tell me that becoming an elder would inevitably lead to more committees and more meetings. Discerning God’s will—when there are such diverse opinions about what that will might be—requires more than the Management 101 techniques that had served me well when I was promoting my agendas in past bureaucracies. We’re working on Someone Else’s agenda here. When in doubt, those bureaucracies preached, refer to the corporate policy book. The church has one of those.
To inspire elders, Peter told them to “tend the flock of God that is your charge, not by constraint but willingly, not for shameful gain but eagerly, not as domineering over those in your charge but being examples to the flock.” (1 Peter 5:2-3)
Me? An example to the flock? Ah, Lord, you’re asking too much.
The writers of Numbers warn us about following God’s will: “But if you will not do so, behold, you have sinned against the LORD; and be sure your sin will find you out.” (Numbers 32:23)
Uh, oh.
Perhaps the path to follow can be found by referring to the wisdom of generations of Presbyterian saints we commemorate in prayer each Sunday.
Living Faith of the Presbyterian Church in Canada reminds us that ‘Throughout our lives we struggle with disheartening difficulties. Yet the Holy Spirit helps us and gives us power to grow in Christ. While we are far from perfect yet our lives can be pleasing to God and helpful to others.”
A friend, a secular “life-coach”—you might call him a motivational guru—suggests that even in the most disheartening times, like after a church debate has failed to go my way, we should pick out what is great in that moment as a heat exchanger picks warm molecules out of cold winter air.
I am far from perfect, but perhaps what is great in those moments is that my life can still be pleasing to God and helpful to others, and the opening of my mind to that opportunity may help me find the power to grow closer to Christ.
The 12 apostles, the first family of the church, are often represented as quarrelsome and pretty dim. It is humbling to think that I am walking in their footsteps, at least in that sense. Peter, for all his weaknesses and inconstancy, was the rock on which Jesus chose to found his church. Perhaps, with God’s grace, there’s hope for me if I trust the Holy Spirit to be my guide.
