May 11, 2007
Well, finally some good news. Harry is responding to the chemo positively so they will continue. He will get a blood transfusion on Friday and hopefully that will help his fatigue. He is eating, moving around and gaining a little bit of weight so that is lovely.
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May 29, 2007
Harry had his second cycle of chemo this week (three more of this cycle to go). He’s very tired, depressed and his appetite is down. His nerves are terrible and he gets so anxious about his health. He is beginning to accept that this is the way life will be. At least he has some mobility and is without pain. He is so thin and walks like a little old man and my heart aches when I remember how he used to stride with such vigor.
His mouth seems swollen at times and his face is somewhat paralyzed on the right side above the marks from his surgery. We were told this would happen and now he has trouble speaking.
Our church family has been wonderful (God’s earthly angels), and Lyn and Robin phone regularly.
I am getting very tired. It is hard to be a 24/7 cheerleader, so I do lots of praying for patience, strength and understanding. But I fail frequently. I keep busy but often quiet times are crying times. But I have my faith, my books and my flowers and these days with Harry are so precious. We love each other very much and share that expression frequently.
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June 7, 2007
Not all days are good and there were upsets today. I couldn’t sleep and took a bath at 1:30 a.m. to settle my nerves.
Harry is very fragile. He was only 136 pounds yesterday and that scared the daylights out of him. At least he’s now accepting that he must eat and drink more of his “enriched” milk drink. His diabetes is acting up and it is a tightrope act regarding food.
We bought a lovely new recliner for him. Even with extra padding he is sometimes uncomfortable. He is just a little bag of bones.
His sister Carla was up for a few days. He wept when she left, knowing he may never see her again.
I took Harry up to the mall yesterday for a short time. (He gets so tired of the living room,) and I saw the look of shock on an old friends face when they saw him. I had promised myself he would not lose his dignity and so it is time to have just home visits. It is such a struggle to get him anywhere. Even getting him to our cancer clinic is difficult.
Our friend I.P. broke her hip and so yesterday, I wheeled Harry up to her room to see her. (He can no longer walk any distance.) He broke down in sobs and they were both crying. He can’t bear all these goodbyes. The ache in my heart is nearly unbearable and I cry to the Lord for strength. He sends me reminders of His presence … the song of a robin, the blossoming of a plant in my bit of garden, a rosy sunset and a peace to sooth my jangled nerves. Thank you Lord.
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June 10, 2007
What a joy has filled my heart. Harry has been without pain for a week. God has answered my prayers! Yes, I am aware the cancer is still hiding inside his frail body but the pain is not there.
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June 21, 2007
Harry had heavy chemo last week and it really took the stuffing out of him. It was the worst week yet. We have had to change some of his meds. Our last order at the drug store was $600.00. But we only had to pay $100.00, thank heaven for insurance.
There will be no more chemo for a while. I pray he will have a good summer. Wouldn’t that be wonderful if his cancer went into remission? We will leave things in God’s hands, but this has been a hard six months … the hardest of our lives. The staff at the cancer clinic are wonderful but oh, he is so fragile!
I have been reading to him. All these years together and I didn’t realize he likes to be read to. We have gone through one book and have started on another. These are such beautiful moments together as he sits in his new comfortable recliner with me close by.
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July 1, 2007
We went to church today but Harry could not even eat the soup at the birthday brunch, so we came home. He is very weepy and depressed.
Later, we drove out to Kleskun Hills for a picnic with friends. It was so different from last year. No walks to see the wildflowers. He sat in a lounge chair, filled with “foamies” so he would be comfortable. Our friends are so kind, making him laugh, bringing him tea.
I am tiring and near breaking myself … so “back to His dear, loving arms do I flee, when I remember that Jesus loves me.” I too am weepy and feel strength failing at times.
Grandson Mike’s wedding will be December 28th but it is one we will miss. Harry can no longer travel. Lyn has been offered compassionate leave when it is needed. That is a comfort to me.
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July 4, 2007
We drove out to the city park today and just watched the children playing on the slides. We had a cup of tea and enjoyed a quiet time just being together. A good memory to keep.
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July 14, 2007
Harry actually got on his stationery bike and did a half mile. That’s a first for nearly six months. His weight bottomed out at 133 but he has gained nearly a pound. We had word that there are no cancer tumors in his head. (He was so dizzy for a while there.) But he is so much better and we feel maybe this is a second chance to have some quality time together. How can you thank the Lord sufficiently for such a gift as this?
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July 20, 2007
Harry’s best day yet! I marked it on the calendar. Friends have taken us for drives and we have enjoyed some summer sun. Each day together is such a gift from God.
