Awareness and Hope

I will not go into depth with the history of the residential school legacy and colonization, but I will say that many aboriginal people today who are struggling with substance abuse, family violence, prostitution, the inability to parent and show affection, all originate from these historical facts. I personally believe it is extremely important to understand not only the addiction side of what society sees, but to also get to know the human being and what got them to the state they are in. What was their life like, what are their experiences, why is their spirit broken and what is the addiction doing to them on the inside and on the outside with respect to their mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being?

I am not an addictions counsellor or psychologist of any kind, but I am on my own healing journey from addictions. I can share some information based on my personal experience with addictions and how it has affected my life. I can honestly tell you there are no pros to addiction, only cons and consequences.
First of all, addiction is a word used to describe what the actual substance does to people who suffer from it. The substance can be drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, shopping, working, cutting or sniffing solvents. Anything that a person uses to change how they feel is a substance and if that substance begins to control their lives then it becomes an addiction. People who are addicted to something are usually suppressing some form of childhood trauma, neglect, or are just a product of the cycle of substance abuse itself.

In my experience with addictions, I used drugs and alcohol to run away from my feelings, to identify with others, and to feel acceptance. I received very little affection from my mother growing up; I was raised in an alcoholic environment with abuse and violence and that’s what I knew. I completely abandoned every part of myself as a direct result of my early childhood. So in my adult years, I did not feel understood or accepted and became rebellious towards any authority figure and society as a whole.

All those years of being judged and cast out, no one knew that inside I was dying and crying to be heard and even rescued. But no matter how lonely and disconnected I felt inside, it was more comfortable to just keep abusing the substances and dealing with the consequences. I reached a bottom where I didn’t even feel human anymore; I was completely physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually destroyed and only then was I willing to take a stand to break that cycle!

The journey I am on today is a gift. I am learning to rebuild my spirit; I am being restored to a state that I have never experienced in my life. I am becoming capable of achieving my dreams. Today I am discovering myself all over again as if I am a child and I don’t have to accept how others judge me. I am learning about my culture and Métis heritage and I have the ability to share my experience and knowledge with my grandkids so that they can have a chance at a different life than I had.

I still struggle with some things like extreme shyness, and self-confidence but it’s getting better. I know that I don’t have to settle for how society sees me. I can love and accept who I am because I am learning who I am today, which helps me to be more empathetic to others who are out there suffering from their addictions but haven’t found themselves yet. Spirits can be reclaimed and traditions can be restored. It’s through awareness that hope can be shared with the still suffering aboriginal people with addictions who need empathy and understanding, not judgment and condemnation.