When we are empty, there is nothing to give. Sometimes, from that empty state, we give anyway. This can lead to renewed energy in the short term: It’s refreshing to take our eyes off ourselves. After all, isn’t our purpose to serve?
The problem arises when giving from an empty state becomes a way of life. At this point it’s no longer a gift but a sacrifice. We need the ability to say, “no.” If we are out of practice, or if we never learned to say it to begin with, guilt becomes the motivator. Guilt keeps us in a depleted state where we end up looking outward for purpose and fulfilment. Establishing (or re – establishing) appropriate boundaries helps us to recognize our responsibilities and allows us to let go of what is outside our control.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Once our boundaries are clarified and we begin to say “no,” the next thing to do is stand fast. Guilt will grow into a fearsome bully. At that point, the best defense is to sing the most profound song ever written: “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”
He does love you. Know it in your heart. He loves you.
Surround yourself with people who remind you of this. Lean on them. Ask for support. Grieve whatever you need to. Letting go is hard. Taking responsibility is, too. But once you begin putting your energy in the right place, a miracle happens.
The boundaries you’ve established become the guardians of your heart—guardians that protect a sacred space, a space from which life begins to flow.
And a space into which a saviour is born.
About Nancy Beattie
Nancy Beattie is a member of Briarwood, Beaconsfield, Que.