A recent email suggested that those grieving the loss of a loved one should remember that the only person that is with you your entire life is yourself.
It made me think about who I am. I know my kids have me in this box marked “Mother.” It’s a bit of a tight box and I am seldom allowed to climb out of it. It is impossible for them to imagine me in a green sweater and short white skirt, cheerleading the local basketball team (but I did it for three years as a teenager).
My grandchildren are a bit more lenient. At that matter I have had more discussions about life, sex and religion with them than I ever had with my children…and the new great-grand babies are there on my Facebook to smile at and bring joy to my day.
I am not sure who my friends think I am. They know I sang in the choir until this last year, but do they know I really like Zamfir’s music and Chopin’s? I doubt it.
They say I make good coffee…I should be able to, in the nearly seven years I have had a Bible study I have made about 20 cups a week. You do the addition.
I am sure to each friend I appear as someone just a little different. I’m not sure how they would describe me.
But, back to the first paragraph. Living with yourself all your life has both pluses and negatives. One thing, you know all about yourself and that has advantages; you know your skills, your good points and you have a sense of your beliefs. But, on the negative side you also know very well your failings…even the ones back to your childhood…things few others seldom know.
I think of my husband of 54 years and still regret I was not more perfect for him. (I am really impatient), but then neither one of us was perfect.
But now, I just have to live with myself. Luckily I have a sense of humor and I find that laughing at myself is good medicine. I am really stuck with myself so I’d best review my faults and failures and see if I can clean up this mess I call “me.”
Like the girl with the curl…sometimes I’ve been very good, but sometimes I have been horrid. I talk to the Lord about it. He is wonderful at forgiving. I really need to learn so much from Him. The fruits of the Spirit need a good drink of divine direction if they are to blossom in my life.
Yet, after all these years, we have a great relationship. I talk, He listens and answers in astounding ways, I read his word, His voice is sometimes soft but is there amongst the Bible’s message. We laugh together as we watch leaves dancing across the road in the wind, or see the neighbour’s cat pretending he is a tiger, padding across the lawn. And we cry together sometimes too. He always understands when I mess up and the great thing about all this is that He loves me…regardless. And He loves you too!
