Funeral Etiquette

Given my 85 years on this planet, and the fact that last year I attended the funerals of 13 good friends, I feel qualified to offer a suggestion regarding funerals. Too many feature uncontrollable grief of family members who attempt to express their inexpressible love for the deceased. The public outflow of tears is embarrassing to many if not all who attend. At the other extreme, some find the occasion an opportunity for a joke-fest.

My suggestion is that people be encouraged, or even instructed, to declare their affection and/or humour not at the service in the sanctuary, but at the reception following. Granted, there are occasions of clearly scripted, eloquent tributes which deserve to be heard. Otherwise, it may be that faced with a congregation so formally arranged in pews, the speakers are intimidated and unable to control their emotions. In the less formal setting of the reception, tears may be fewer, the humour better appreciated and those attending less embarrassed.

About Willard Pottinger, via email