I think most widows have things in their lives that are like triggers. Triggers that set in motion those memories that nearly take you to your knees. You can go on for days, weeks, months, without a tear and then like a rogue wave, this memory hits you and there you are, not able to breathe, with tears streaming down your face.
I had such an incident yesterday.
Our small city is celebrating its 100th birthday and has decided to name several new city parks after some of its ‘old timers’. One is to be called “Schneider Park” after my husband. I was so delighted, as it is a children’s park, with swings, slides and monkey bars. So, I drove over yesterday to see this park. I sat on a bench and said a prayer for all the children that would eventually visit it…that they would be happy, safe and blessed. My husband would love having children enjoy ‘his’ park.
I had already gotten into the car when a small boy in the park turned and waved at me. Somehow in his demeanor I could see my husband as a little boy and he smiled and gave me such a long wave. It was all I could do not to rush out of the car and give him a hug.
Okay, so I am a sentimental old fool, but that smile and wave have warmed my heart all day. I believe God sends you little messages. I am far more sensitive to these messages now than I used to be. Maybe, because I have now the time to read them. They appear in my life almost each day.
The Airforce was a part of our lives for ten years so now when I see an airplane or a vapor trail in the sky, I immediately think of those years together. I say a small ‘hi sweetheart’ and remember.
The other day my grandson sent a picture of his two daughters, sitting, looking across the playground, with their backs to him, but their arms around each other. “Sisters” I labeled it and thought again of my special sister that had died so young…a reminder of the graciousness of God to give me such a loving playmate.
When you are young you are so busy, busy, earning a living, raising a family, building a life that sometimes you take so much for granted. More and more I see God in the architecture of my life. His hand led me and helped me when I stumbled. His hand held back horrors I didn’t even know were there. His hand supplied all my needs and most of my wants.
And today his hands reach out with little reminders that he is still there, where he has always been, loving me and making my world such a wonder. Thank you Lord.
