A few minutes ago there was a terrible flash of light and a loud clap of thunder and the house darkened. No TV, no car (can’t get the garage door open), no phone (land line) and no lights. I am not scared of electrical storms but that last bolt of lightning moved me quickly from the front windows to my chair further inside the living room. A massive bolt of lightning must have knocked out a transformer nearby.
Traumatic events in our lives do that too. The death of my husband had a similar effect on my life style…no breakfast for two…no goodnight kisses…no walks together. He was the transformer in my life and he had been hit by cancer.
Luckily, there is a crew somewhere repairing the transformer that just blew. But just in case there are further problems, I have candles, flashlights and even my old battery operated Walkman and extra CDs all sitting on the dining room table. As a child, I was in “Brownies”, not Boy Scouts but ‘being prepared’ is part of my makeup.
I wasn’t prepared for Harry’s heart attack at 56, nor his cancer-death at 74… at least I didn’t think so, yet in retrospect I look back and see how my faith journey and the challenges of those much earlier years, trained me and stood me in good stead. The crises of the past had taught me where to run. “I can’t make it without you Lord,” I would cry out and He was there!
Widowhood is so silent…no laughter, no hockey, no TV monitor-jumping from channel to channel. There is a quiet tonight too. I sit in the front window and watch near silent cars go by. I hear the far off whistle of the local train. The quiet is deafening.
It took nearly a year for my silent home to recover from Harry’s death, but gradually I started to laugh out loud; friends filled the front room again and the aroma of cooking permeated the kitchen as I began eating again instead of just snacking.
But tonight reminds me of that year of “silence”…filled only with tears, sniffles and the sound of Kleenex being pulled out of its box.
Like the lights that will no doubt go on later, God’s love lit up my lonely life and I felt hope and peace permeate my grief. The storms of life do pass and there can be peace and contentment in the future with Him by your side.
