Daughter Lyn emails, knowing I will be a bit blue … it is a year since Harry’s death. We reminisce about the past and about memories that keep walking into our world unannounced.
Last week I was at a local play … the main actor entered the stage doing up his tie. My heart nearly stopped … I had seen my husband do that so many times. I almost cried out and then the pain faded away.
Each morning as I lift the toothpaste tube out of the drawer and see the ends folded and held with an elastic band, I am reminded of all the years he did that. Initially, I always squeezed the tube in the middle and he never said anything … just folded it and added the elastic band.
One of the hardest things I had to do this year was remove his name from our email listings. It had been Pat and Harry for so many years. That really hurt!
It has been the hardest year of my life but I keep telling myself I am exactly where God wants me to be … I am not lost!
Although this was my first year without Harry, God was very present. My faith has grown and He has abundantly blessed me. I have learned to manage things I never had managed before and there are still things I am not comfortable with. My struggles continue.
I am still writing and finding it an enormous help in settling my thoughts. Some things have been published and that is always an extra. God is good.
Finally, I have a deeper understanding of my grief and realize that God must come first before my memories. This gift of time must be for His glory and not for dwelling in the past. I know He will help me with this. It has been an extraordinary year!
