I have kept a number of emails sent me after Harry died … one from a dear friend who assured me that although time would help, I would probably never get over my grief as my grief was a tribute to a man who loved me for many years.
And perhaps it is true, that the more you love someone the more you grieve.
That of course, does not rule out those widows who go on with life and find a new and fulfilling relationship with someone else … but that was impossible for me.
Not that ours was a perfect marriage … no way. One of the last arguments we had was if the pot on the stove was sitting properly on the burner … petty, petty.
We disagreed on many things. I am conservative, he was far more liberal. He loved sports, I tolerated them, he hated vegetables, I loved them. It made for an interesting marriage.
I did say to him a few weeks before he passed away, ”Please forgive me sweetheart if I have ever said or done anything that hurt you.” He gently took my hand and said, ”Sweetheart, we both made mistakes.”
I guess none of us likes making “mistakes” and for a few minutes I was hurt, but he was right! Marriages are full of mistakes … and full of forgiveness.
Actually at this point of time I recall few of his “mistakes” and many of mine. I used to beat myself up over that, then realized Satan was using my grief to take the life out of me. God still had a plan and a life for me to live.
But there is some serenity too … I did the very best I could to make those last years special for both of us. God knew we were both exhausted, and He knew it was time to call Harry home.
I hope someday He will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” for I gave it all I had. Jesus said, “there are no marriages in heaven” … but I believe there is love and really isn’t that what a good marriage is, but the reflection of God’s love?
I guess I will find out when I eventually join Harry and the rest of those who are gone, who I have loved so dearly. Right now it is a mystery.
