Being faithful to God while living in a world of inequalities is what is required of us. Fairness and faith are linked together and not able to be separated from each other. That’s just how it is. Recall the words of Micah 6:8. “The Lord God has told us what is right and what is demanded—see that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God.”
There’s an old proverb: “Actions speak louder than words.” Or consider its variant: “Do what I say, not what I do.” Looking to Jesus, we see that notably it was through the way that he lived his life that he taught others. Words were not always needed. He meant what he lived. Jesus was the real deal, yet it’s also true that people of all ages will copy what they see far more readily than they will follow any instructions that they hear.
Parents and teachers who are reading this, need to recognize that learning about oneself is a continuous venture. If we are to be effective parents and Christian educators, we need to keep this in mind as we interact with our children and students. How we do what we do may be the most important thing. Being authentic is key.
Researchers in communication have observed that if I send two messages which contradict each other, people have a tendency to believe the nonverbal over the actual words spoken. For example, if I say that I believe a story you have just told me, but my mouth is held tightly, there is a deep frown on my brow, and I tilt my head in a quizzical way, you will probably decide that I do not believe you at all.
Of course, there are times when we actually do feel two ways about the same thing even at the same time. It is best to admit our ambivalence as best we can. If we can manage this, our children will find out that what we say is true and they will learn to trust us a little bit more about other difficult things.
Fred Rogers, the creator of the TV show “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood,” has written these helpful words:
Adults have complex feelings … [as do children]. When, for instance, one of our children does something dangerous despite our warnings and rules, we may be angry, frightened, frustrated, and disappointed all at once. It’s our love for our children that gives rise to these different feelings, but that’s not an easy relationship for young children to understand. In the heat of the moment, it is not easy for us, either, to keep in mind. At a time like that, our children are most likely to feel our anger, but even as we scold and punish, we need to help them learn where the roots of that anger lie. Trying to be honest with ourselves and our children about what we think and feel helps our own continued growing. Encouraging our children to be honest with us about what they think and feel helps them develop their capacity to love themselves and others. Honesty in love is often very hard. The truth is often painful. But the freedom it can bring is worth the trying.*
Mr. Rogers supplemented this advice with this song for all of us (of any age) to learn and ponder.
Song lyrics to “The Truth Will Make Me Free,” Fred M. Rogers, ©1970
What if I were very, very sad
And all I did was smile?
I wonder after a while
What might become of my sadness?
What if I were very, very angry
And all I did was sit
And never think about it?
What might become of my anger?
Where would they go, and what would they do,
If I couldn’t let them out?
Maybe I’d fall, maybe get sick
Or doubt.
But what if I could know the truth
And say just how I feel?
I think I’d learn a lot that’s real
About freedom.
I’m learning to sing a sad song when I’m sad.
I’m learning to say I’m angry when I’m very mad.
I’m learning to shout, I’m getting it out!
I’m happy, learning exactly how I feel inside of me.
I’m learning to know the truth.
I’m learning to tell the truth.
Discovering truth will make me free.
“Are any of you wise or sensible? Then show it by living right and by being humble and wise in everything you do.” (James 3:13). Encouraged by James, let our manner of life back up what we say with our mouths. May we be encouraged to do it with gentle wisdom, without contentiousness or arrogance, without self-centeredness and without retaliation against those who have wronged us. With God’s help, let’s do it with a gentle friendliness and unselfish consideration of others.
Within our family, work, and church life, we need to try to keep our focus on the way God wants us to live. Thus we do not become “wannabe” persons easily influenced by media and peer culture. Let’s try to retain civility and respect—not the “sit-com” emulation of sarcasm and put-downs. We may be imperfect— falling short in some places and excelling in others. But we should always be persistent as we search together for the right path with surprising—maybe even necessary—detours, leading us ever onward towards the pursuit of fairness on this earth.
* Mr. Rogers Talks With Parents by Fred Rogers and Barry Head
(New York: Berkley Books, 1983)
Think about this: How does fairness relate to bullying?
