I did have a regular life at one time. “Kids, carrots and the white picket fence,” I call it. We had most of the trappings of a middle class lifestyle; I walked away from that to continue my drinking and drug career. The core belief that I was not like others and did not deserve the love of others has haunted me for as long as I can remember.
After much mostly self – imposed abuse of all kinds, I finally reached out for help. I cried and quietly asked Jesus to come into my heart and help me. And enter my heart he did! Decades of obsessive thoughts, stealing, drugs, and alcohol were gone.
When Jesus entered my heart my attitude began to change. Hope replaced fear, love seemed attainable and most of all, I began to feel. Without this experience I know in my heart that not only would I have passed on the opportunity to go to the Look in, Shout Out conference, but I would have killed “those people” in my mind over and over again.
As a Métis woman growing up in the 60s and 70s where racism went underground and then leaked out, I became a hateful woman. I hated both whites and redskins and me in particular. So being in a room with 500 – plus women with a common goal was overwhelming. To feel the authenticity of the Holy Spirit at work is something I have no words to explain! I’m not sure how to express the miracle of feeling a part of this Christian family, when all my life I struggled to feel worthy of anything.
The highlight of this weekend was at one of the workshops when an elder from the east shared a truly painful, intimate moment she experienced with her ailing mate and Jesus. I cried and asked if I could hug her. To many this may seem normal but you see, I not only don’t do hugs, I struggle with hugs and physical touch (even with my son.) These miracles to this day touch my heart and bring a prayer for those hurting.
The self – centredness I have lived, and felt extremely ashamed about, was tremendously healed and I continue to feel healing. I felt healing especially when the 500 – plus people sang a cappella, praising our Lord and Saviour! I get choked up with happiness and gratitude to this day. The African – style offering still brings smiles to my heart and face and I remember my goose bumps!
From the location to the workshops, to the food, speakers and love experienced, I truly cannot think of anything that could be improved upon. As a new Christian struggling with life and learning how to walk and talk with Christ, I give a heartfelt thank you to the organizers and the many people who made this possible.
According to psychologist Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, safety and physical needs are the foundation for human growth that leads to ultimate self – fulfillment. Anishinabe Place of Hope is providing this for me (and others in my situation). Prompted by the Holy Spirit I have given my heart and life to follow Jesus. I would ask that you pray for and help the staff at Anishinabe who show up every day giving 100 per cent of themselves and who allow the Holy Spirit to direct them.
Thank you for allowing me to share my experience. Glory to God and praise His ways.
