My hip surgery was behind me, my recovery going very well and the sun which had only shone seven days out of 31 last month was finally shinning brilliantly.
Finally I could carry my coffee cup in one hand, my cane in another and I marched boldly onto the back deck. It was a beautiful day.
In a few minutes that all changed as I walked right through an enormous spider web. For a few minutes my vision was blurred and I felt somewhat lost.
I reached the deck railing, set down the cup and my cane and proceeded to extracate myself from what seemed like dozens of filmy strands…it took several minutes and my face felt tickly for hours afterwards.
It made me think of the recent visit of my care-giver daughter who stayed with me for the first few weeks of my recovery. Although my vision was not affected, my way of life was blurred and not really in focus.
I wish I could say that they were two weeks of sentimental bonding but I live a somewhat more structured life than she does…my home is my office as well and when everything is where it belongs I enjoy a certain peace of mind.
Things were not as I liked and my neat and tidy corner, where I usually sit was now filled with extra blankets, a special foamy cushion and when things fell to the floor (which invariably they did) I had to leave them until my handy “pick” could be found to retrieve them.
The computer room now contained my daughter’s suitcases and the ½ bath normally reserved for guests had toothpaste tubes and personal articles scattered on its surface. I think I was a bit of a witch that first week as I once heard her muttering about “unconditional love”.
When I think back on my expectations of how I thought things should be and my final acceptance of how things had to be, I realize that my vision was covered with cobwebs. There were some big adjustments. I found out that if dishes were piled up in the sink, it would not change the world and an unmade bed was acceptable when you were not well.
And there were moments of sweetness… as the evening that she tucked me in to bed and kissed me fondly on the forehead. (How many times I had done the same thing to her as a child.)
Sometimes I wonder if my faith and prayer life has cobwebs clinging to it too. It’s easy to witness to the same crowd of friends in the same way…am I missing insights of faith…am I just marking time?
“Open my eyes that I might see, visions of truth thou hast for me” I sing to myself. Are cobwebs in my eyes impeding my visions of the truth? The Lord promises wisdom to those who ask so I pray: “Remove any cobwebs Lord and clarify my understanding of your will for my life.”
I know He is listening.
