To those follow my blog you know I am a somewhat determined person, but even I have given up my attempt to keep fish alive…my fourth fish (sweetie pie) died this morning. I actually wept. I had bought him a really nice little bowl and done all the things they had told me at the pet store and he seemed very happy, but this morning he was laying there motionless.
My daughter has a fish tank five feet long in her living room and a smaller one in the garage that holds the fish that usually occupy the pond outside during the summer. The only fish I seem to control are those at the end of a pole and line. (In the past I had gone fishing with my husband). I wonder if my indoor fish had felt threatened and just decided to call it quits.
But this time I have decided that God has said NO. No more fish!
He does fill my life with many positives however and I give thanks for those things. My plants survive…although some cut flowers presented to me recently, had to be shared with a friend…the lily’s were lovely but I knew once they opened my voice would fog up and that familiar tightening in my chest would again surface. They have a new home and I am glad the mums and carnations are agreeing with me.
I have found acceptance of limitations a very difficult thing. But limitations may be God saying…”Do it my way”. Stepping back from the church choir really hurt but I now sit beside people who I knew before but now we share coffee together after church and exchange pleasantries and problems.
I no longer go out in the evenings (except to Session) but now I have a movie afternoon for my friends to enjoy. We may not see the latest film on screen but we have a good time re-visiting old movies together.
God has said NO to many of the things that were part of my past but He has opened new doors and I believe He has new adventures for me just right around the corner.
But fish are off my list. It took me a while but I think I finally got the message.
