Valentine’s Day is coming and love is in the air – or so we are told. But all those cute cupids, fluffy heart teddies and chocolate roses are only the icing on the cake of what love really is. It is easy when you watch the media – movies, TV shows, magazines, hurtin’ country songs or romance novels etc, to think that love is that mushy feeling you get when you see a hunky guy or drop-dead-gorgeous woman. Or the hormonal rush that comes when you feel the touch of that person you have just started to get to know. Certainly love doesn’t exclude mushy feelings or hormones, but that’s all just the sweet stuff on top. It doesn’t last long when life crowds into the mix.
Love, if it is real, is much more solid in its substance. It is like the heavy pound cake under that icing. Thick and foundational but still tastes great! So what makes love real? First of all, love is not an emotion, but an act of the will. It is something that we decide to do regardless of feelings. Feelings are good, and can go along with our actions, but our love can’t be based solely on feelings because they come and go with moods, circumstances and whether he left the toilet seat up again. Love hangs in no matter what the feelings are at the moment. We can decide to act lovingly towards someone whether we feel mushy feelings or not. Love is about putting the needs of someone else ahead of your own. It is wanting the best for the other person even if it demands something of you, especially if it demands something of you.
Jesus once said, “There is no greater love than this, that a person lay down their life for their friends.” That is ultimate love. It is about sacrifice. Now, we may not be asked to die for someone we love, but each day we love may require small sacrifices. Picking up the dishes left on the counter yet one more time. Giving up your choice of what movie to watch. Going to a craft fair rather than the car show. Those are the little sacrifices that demonstrate love and make that tasty pound cake. And you know what? The more you give love like that, giving for the sake of the other’s well-being, the more likely that the icing gets put on top and the mushy feelings arise and the hormones zoom.
This is what love is, and it is something that you choose to do yourself, not that you demand from the person you love. It doesn’t tolerate abuse, but celebrates the giving of yourself. I hope you have some great cake and icing this Valentine’s Day!
