As I write this, my daughter and her husband are going to attend a celebration and dedication of the youngest member of his family. Little Samuel was born to Tyler’s cousin and lived only 10 minutes last week. He was loved immensely through his 9 months of development and though his body was very broken, he has had an incredible ministry through his little life. That is because his mom Serenity was willing to open the curtains on their pain and to share hope in the midst of it with those close to them.
Six months ago, this lovely family were told that their much awaited child had chromosomal deformities and a multitude of problems that would make it a miracle for him to survive the pregnancy, much less much past birth. Still his family loved him and prayed desperately for him to be healed. The journey was a painful one, but Serenity (who lives up to her name) decided to share it with others through a blog about the experience as it unfolded. She threw open the curtains and let us all look in the window as they walked through the ups and downs of doctor’s appointments, ultrasounds, fetal movements and stillness. They had a party for their 3 year old daughter to celebrate that she would have a brother, yet acknowledged that they might never see him outside of heaven. This beautiful mother shared the fear, the crushing pain, the times of near despair alongside the constant and ever-present hope that abided through these 4 months. She was able to see the hand of God in every little victory and sign of hope and answered prayer. As I wept through the entry last week as she described his birth, which included a situation of personal danger to her own health, she was filled with awe at the many answered prayers that accompanied a frightening birth experience. There was a deep sense of peace in it all even though she was very open about the heart-break that dominated.
How often in the family of Christ are we willing to open the curtains on our pain? My experience is that more likely, we withdraw and hide behind the heavy drapes when we are going through a hard time or struggling with life and faith. We don’t want people to see that as believers in the Almighty God we can be crippled with doubt or fear or despair at times. We try to bear it on our own and put on a brave face when we do have to encounter people. When we sit in a time of worship with others, how aware are we of what is bringing them joy at that moment? Or how much do we know about what is eating them up inside? In our churches, do we create an atmosphere of acceptance and trust such that people feel safe to share the pain that they carry? Is there space for people to cry out to God, or even to scream and rage at God?
I’ve been reading through Job lately. Sometimes I realize that some of the things that his friends are saying to him are theologically true. What they really missed is the compassion and ability to listen to his pain and anger at God. Are we like that in the church? Wanting to jump too quickly to defend God or to issue forth theological platitudes meant more to comfort our own faith in the midst of doubt? At the same time, we need to hold fast to the truths that God loves us; is faithful and just; is powerful and good. If we could do more of this, then perhaps more of us will be able to open up the curtains and stop hiding the pain that we hold inside. Perhaps then all of us will find a greater level of the healing that Jesus came to bring us.
One of the things I have always valued in house churches is that it is much harder to hide behind the curtains when you are sitting across a living room with people. We have a relationship that is like family. There is greater intimacy. Love, trust and acceptance are the essentials to encouraging people to open up the curtains. If we can create that for others, and then model the open curtain ourselves, what would our church look like? Yes, there would be pain spilling out all over the carpet, but the tears that flow from one to another will also be the cleansing agent. Being the church should be messy, and it shouldn’t allow for pulled curtains but allow us all to open up the drapes and let the light shine in.
