I have lost a good friend. Actually I have been losing her for years.
When I finally questioned her she admitted I had said something many years ago that had upset her. Somehow, like yeast in dough, it had grown larger until it consumed what we had once had…a deep caring for each other. Then finally she said to me, “you’ve changed.”
And yes I had. I had found the treasure in the field and have in a sense sold everything to buy it.
She didn’t understand this new personal relationship I was expressing. Her faith was on a different foundation and filled her needs. I had always had mine on a more personal level and found it enriched when after my husband died, I needed an “Abba” type of God, who would wipe my copious tears.
I had had five years of in depth care-giving while cancer claimed my husband, inch by inch. I was a shadow of my former self but Jesus answered when I asked for illumination. He spoke through my grief and our relationship became more personal and precious. Like a rose bud, I opened in the light of God’s love.
I shared this depth of feeling with some new friends and started a Bible study class. We sometimes stumble in our struggle to know God better. But He knows we are sincere in our search.
So I share my enriched faith where I can. My old friend helped build some of the foundations my faith rests on, and that is a blessing from her. I don’t see her often nowadays but she holds a very special place in my heart and in my memories…and she always will. We may not quite agree on my new understanding but I know we both love the Lord.
But there are new roads to travel, new insights to experience and although I may have changed, I believe it is a change that makes my relationship with God richer and more rewarding.
Photo by Muhammad Ahmed via Flickr, CC 2.0.
