Honesty Appreciated

Re Planning Goodbyes, October 2015

I want to express my appreciation for this article by Kristine and Patrick O’Brien. I have journeyed with many families in the attempt to accept death, to make sense out of death, and to have the courage to continue to embrace life.

One thing the authors did not mention that I have encountered is PowerPoint presentations. Such presentations give survivors the liberty to tell the story of the deceased in a vivid manner with no editing by clergy or anyone else.

The shift to secular funerals does feature something that needs to be acknowledged—being honest with who a person is. I recall meeting with a family to prepare for a funeral. I gathered information about the deceased and used some of the material in my “Words of Comfort.” At the luncheon afterwards, a man said to me, “Preacher, I have no idea who in the h—l you were talking about. Mr. — was a miserable son of a —.”

When I shared this story with some ministers at a support group, I was reminded that the funeral pulpit is not the place to do therapy. Secular funerals represent a disconnect with the church and a sense of honesty which I appreciate at this time in our church’s history. What follows is thankfully in God’s hands.