So another Harry Potter book is about to be published and the critical e-mails are already doing the rounds. But those who wrote the entire world about the hellish horrors of HP may well be correct. Harry, Hermione and Ron could simply be lulling us into a false sense of security before they turn us all into collective newts. Thing is, the problem goes much further than J. K. Rowling and all her sordid works.
Take Mary Poppins for instance. The woman is unmarried, strong-willed and independent. Thus a feminist and almost certainly a lesbian. She uses magic, witchcraft and levitation to tidy houses, do dishes, make beds and the like. She also flies around holding some sort of umbrella and a large bag. One can only imagine what is contained in that carpet full of hideousness.
She has a very close relationship with Bert, the leader of a gang of chimneysweeps, a radical special interest group or, let's be candid here, a labour union. In short, Mary Poppins is in love with a dangerous Marxist-Leninist intent on world revolution and enforced atheism. Comrade Bert's ties to the NDP or worse, are frightening to say the least.
I refer you to "What Is To Be Swept? The Radical Solution To The State of the Chimney-Sweep," by Bert. The pamphlet calls for an alliance of sweeps, sidewalk artists and merry-go-round operatives to fight the system and bring down capitalism and bad cockney accents. Enough said.
Poppins' employer is Mr. Banks, who is a highly placed banker and thus part of a huge Masonic conspiracy dedicated to one-world government and allied to Satan in his efforts to take over the world. Experts believe that the bank donates money to the United Nations and has purchased black helicopters in readiness for, well, for when the time comes.
Banks' wife, Winnifred, is a radical suffragette and thus may well be a lesbian as well. The fact that Banks cannot control his spouse and make her stay at home with his children shows that he himself is weak and effeminate.
That Mrs. Banks, or is it Ms. Banks, is out campaigning instead of making dinner for her family makes her a disgrace as a mother and, now I think about it, definitely a lesbian. Perhaps she and Poppins know one another as fellow members of some secret and perverse cult.
The Banks' children became lost at one point in the story and had to be brought home by the police. Their socalled parents, who no doubt believe that there are alternatives to a good spanking with a stick, are obviously not beating them frequently enough. For all intents and purposes this is Communism. "Suffer the children." Precisely.
Those same children's reference to "Let's Go Fly A Kite" is not as harmless as it seems. Various Internet experts have informed me that the phrase is in fact an esoteric reference to devil worship. The word Kite in an ancient tongue meaning, "One who is frightened by everything new, ignores real problems and obsesses about nothing."
Then we have Uncle Albert. This reprobate seems to be drunk all the time and drinking alcohol is a sin arguably worse even than feeding the birds without parental permission. His uncontrollable laughter is the work of the evil one, an old weapon of Lucifer. Put simply, anyone who laughs is a friend of Beelzebub. I personally have never laughed and never intend to do so. Indeed my wife has strict instructions to hit me over the head at even the merest hint of a giggle. Can't be too careful.
A final word. On my way to protest outside the local bookstore selling copies of the new Harry Potter I had to detour around several homeless people living on the street, a drug-ridden prostitute standing on the corner, an unemployed individual offering to do absolutely any job for money and a preacher talking about love, humanity and understanding.
The fact that thousands of unborn children are being aborted, that genuine marriage is under attack by the courts, culture and addled politicians, that materialism and decadence combine to rape what is good and noble, all this is irrelevant compared to the tragedy of a children's book.
And just in case you think I'm overreacting and find what I say to be amusing, be very careful and mindful. Remember, they laughed at Donald Duck too.
