Jack, 80, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease three years ago. His 75-year-old wife, Agnes, is finding it increasingly difficult to care for him. He is starting to get his days and nights reversed, sleeping during the day and remaining wide awake at night. He slipped out of the house on one occasion and couldn't find his way home; Agnes had to call the police to help find him. She can no longer leave Jack alone for even a short time.
The contribution of informal caregivers like Agnes often goes unrecognized. Yet these unpaid helpers provide practical assistance and enhance the quality of life for ill older people who might otherwise require placement in a long-term care facility. Typically, they are spouses or children; many are seniors themselves. The majority are women.
A common phenomenon is burnout, due to the physical toll of caring for someone who is ill and the emotional strain of dealing with the suffering and deterioration of a loved one. Emotional red flags are frequent crying; frequent irritation by small annoyances; difficulty controlling one's temper; feeling overwhelmed; a sense of hopelessness; and feelings of inadequacy. In severe cases, burnout can lead to abuse of the care recipient; this signals the need for immediate help.
If you are a caregiver, here are a dozen strategies to keep stress manageable and prevent burnout:
- Look after yourself: eat nutritious meals, get adequate rest, exercise and see your family doctor regularly.
- Give yourself a break every day — enjoy a cup of tea, read something uplifting, write in a journal, call a friend, listen to music — whatever works for you.
- Stay connected to your friends and your faith community.
- Simplify your life. Set priorities and don't waste time or energy on unimportant things.
- Accept the reality of the illness. There is nothing you can do to stop it.
- Don't get overwhelmed; there will be good days and bad days and what you can give may vary from day to day.
- You are only human. Give yourself permission to feel all the emotions that surface, including resentment and frustration. Don't be too hard on yourself when you lose patience.
- Acknowledge that you can't — and shouldn't — do it all alone. Find at least one person you can talk to openly. Accept offers of help. Ask other family members to share the load. Be specific about the kind of help you need.
- Talk with other caregivers. Join a community support group (some offer concurrent care), or an online group if it's hard to get out.
- Take full advantage of respite services in your community, such as adult day-care programs and facilities that offer temporary residential care.
- Learn as much as possible about the illness and its management and educate family and friends to help them understand.
- Don't promise your loved one you will never place him or her in a long-term-care facility, since you don't know what the future holds.
If you are not a caregiver, but know someone who is, try to:
- Keep in touch, recognizing that you may have to make most of the effort in maintaining the relationship.
- Listen without judgment and don't give unsolicited advice. Provide encouragement.
- Give practical support: Send over a casserole or muffins. Offer to pick up groceries, run errands or perform household chores such as mowing the lawn. Provide respite to allow her to get out, ideally on a regular basis.
- Offer to get information about community support services if none are in place, and encourage their use.
- Pray that God will give her strength and guidance in carrying out her role with grace, including making wise decisions.
- Support her if she pursues placement in a care facility, for it is a difficult decision often followed by feelings of guilt. Do whatever you can to help her — and her loved one — with the transition.
