A sense of belonging is at the core of Christian experience. It includes not only the grace-filled belonging in the personal fellowship within the Godhead, as John speaks of in Chapter One of his first letter, but also belonging to the fellowship of believers. In the Apostles' Creed, which outlines the essentials of the faith, we declare our belief in the Holy Catholic church and in the communion of saints. These confessions affirm our basic human need to belong. Even in the creation story we are reminded that in the Creator's perspective, even though He was pleased with all He had made, yet it was not good for the man to be alone and so Eve was created from Adam's side to be a companion and helpmate.
The church therefore must always be aware that it needs to be a place of welcome and a place of belonging. It is very important that we be as inclusive as we can but the error we often make is that we think that being inclusive means that we accept anyone on their terms and affirm all that they value. In reality, we all would put limitations on that but the rhetoric remains that we need to be all-inclusive and to show unconditional love to all who would come to the church. This half-truth of being inclusive turns into a whole lie that corrupts community.
Why should there be any limitation? It is because while we earnestly are to love them unconditionally, love does not mean we tolerate sin.
Who is to say what sin is? The answer is that we are to be directed solely by the word of God through prayerful study of the scriptures. The Bible outlaws much sexual behaviour that our society now accepts as normal. We should not simply follow along with societal norms as one after another of these biblical standards are eroded. The church cannot be a place of belonging if it is not first a place of security and truth. Relationships are built on integrity. We must say what we mean and mean what we say. If we say something is wrong then we must have the courage to stand against it whether the sin is found in our close friend or in a stranger or even in ourselves. As Proverbs 27 reminds us: “Open rebuke is better than secret love and faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”
Without discipleship (or discipline) we are not really the fellowship we are called to be. Unconditional love is the mark of the church and inclusiveness must find its way within that parameter. Then and only then will we be the covenanted community that God calls us to be — only then will there be a place that we can really belong to. A serious part of love is to be held accountable, to be all that we can be, and at times that means we will be under discipline. If someone is close enough to correct you and not threaten the friendship then you know you belong.
Strangers must keep a veneer of niceness but true friends appreciate it when even their faults are pointed out in a loving, supportive way. This is so because friends have proven they are for us and their comments are intended to help us work through a source of dysfunction in the relationship. This is often hard work but it is essential for belonging to one another and for a healthy community of faith to be built.
To be community, we must have identity. Identity is essential to belonging since we will not know what we belong to if there are no boundaries. Boundaries do not have to be narrow on every side, but the community must decide what the boundaries are. Augustine put it this way: “In essentials unity (you need to define what the essential boundaries are), in non-essentials liberty and in all things charity.” It is my view that our failure as a church to reach out and gently discipline one another in a way that reflects unconditional love has put us in the place of being untrusting and suspicious of others. We are so frightened we don't even want to discuss it because we don't really believe the many others in the church are for us. We can have all the programs we like to build up positive relationships between presbyteries and congregations and people within congregations, but until we do as God has asked in this matter of discipline we will always suspect that we are the outsiders who don't belong.
