Dear Erin,
Welcome to Academia! You've found the right place for procrastination. There's even a name for it: "Student Syndrome." Like most of us engaged in studies, there's too much to do and too many deadlines to meet. It's an old story – Kierkegaard tells of the student who prepared for the intensive fall semester by taking the summer off. Something like the temperance worker whose incentive was a bottle of wine per day.
Psychologists, like most analysts, are divided on its causes. Some tell us it's a form of anxiety, others it's just sloth. It's the result of perfectionism – or of low self-esteem. It's a workaholic affliction, or maybe not. So really, you're on your own. Of course, there's time management, self-help books, and techniques of planning and performance. But let's face it, it's human nature to let tomorrow (crastinus) take care of itself. Composing essays or books is a daunting task – the trick is knowing when to quit research and start writing. One author said wisely, "You never finish a book, you just abandon it."
Students face the dilemma of demanding course loads and attractive extracurricular activities. Know something? So do professors. There's always more to read for our disciplines, and new demands for extra time. So there's a "Teacher Syndrome" too. (After a lifetime in academia I've learned at last to accept my limitations, making do with a few good questions to ponder and some tentative answers until I get to the heavenly Common Room where Truth will stand revealed.)
Now since we're both Christian maybe the problem lies elsewhere. The so-called "Calvinist work ethic" for instance – there's a happy thought! Although no Calvinist, John Wesley said: "Gain all you can and save all you can, that you may give all you can." That's heavy going, too serious a worldview for most of us. But you don't have to be a perfectionist to recognize the truth in this approach. We believe that we are here by divine intention, to fulfill a role in "mending the world" as the Jewish saying goes. Here is the classic Reformation idea of vocation or "calling." Luther was strong on it, and Calvin: "The Lord commands us, in all the actions of life, to regard our vocation … a post assigned us by the Lord, that we may not wander about in uncertainty all our days."
Oh, oh, I've just laid another burden on you, sorry! BUT: it's actually an easy yoke because Christ's work among us was to take away work out of work and make it play. It took me a while to get this – one of my first books was The Other Six Days, about work and property. Later I tried to balance it with The Clown and the Crocodile, about our calling to be the world's comedians faced with the monstrous (crocodilian – Leviathan) face of evil. Those demands that make you procrastinate can be arranged as penultimate matters because the ultimate truth is Good News.
So: Relax, Erin, each day has enough trouble (Jesus) so you might as well rejoice always (Paul). "What do you have that you did not receive?" Surely the answer is, "Nothing, that's why life's so funny!" So begin each day with nothing (a sort of Christian Zen?), and accept its tasks with a light heart and open mind. That's your vocation, and also your grace and your glory.
Yours,
Joe
(P.S.: You've actually written a good essay; I'd give you an A minus.)
