Recent studies conclude that almost six in three Canadian women are relieved when the relatives leave after Christmas. The season can leave us exhausted and broke. But if you’re thinking that there’s no place like Rome for the holidays, the following advice should help you stay sane and stay home while you care for those you love.
1. Laugh a little each day.
In 1973, my parents planned the ideal Christmas, complete with an imported grandfather from Ontario and a tree trimmed to seamless perfection. The only trouble was, Grandpa liked to examine the needles at close range and make minor adjustments. Three times he brought the tree down, shattering ornaments and driving them into the carpet. I find myself doing the same now as I care for my father who battles Alzheimer’s. One summer day while I was visiting the hospital, a lady who serves as part-time chaplain pulled me aside. Her forehead was scrunched up and I wondered what awful thing my father had done or said. “You told me he had been faithful to your mother for 60 years,” she said. “Today he was watching TV and holding hands with a complete stranger.” I laughed, of course. So did she. There are times we cry, but sometimes laughter is our most effective weapon – perhaps the only one we have.
2. Find a confidante.
Some communities have caregiver support groups. If you can’t find one, start one. If you can’t start one, get a pet. Sometimes my dog is my support group. She’s the only one who will listen without interrupting. It’s like the old Swedish proverb: “Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.” Who can put a price tag on the value of sharing our story, thoughts, feelings, and sometimes tears with a trusted other?
3. Carve hurry from your life.
I wish someone had informed me earlier that there is nothing noble about a nervous breakdown and nothing selfish about taking care of your own needs. When I discovered that “no” is a complete sentence, I freed time for pursuing my gifts. When I learned to enjoy things without owning them, I forgot about the Joneses. When I began hanging out with positive people, I topped off my energy tank. When I began taking care of myself, I found I was better equipped to take good care of others. Stillness is rejuvenating. Sometimes the most pressing thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest.
4. Exercise three times a week.
Of course, exercise didn’t help my mother. She started walking a mile a day when she was 60. She’s 84 now and we don’t know where she is!
5. Enjoy the right food and take longer to eat it.
Pants that fit last Thursday are malfunctioning. So I need to acquaint myself with salmon, tomatoes, broccoli, nuts, and blueberries.
6. Run away from home.
Find a way to get away. If the budget is low, develop a great imagination. Close your eyes and imagine that your bath is at a spa in the Himalayas – without the monkeys. Never just listen to your favorite music. Pretend you’re at a concert, or giving one. When you can’t take what you’ve been taking any longer, take a vacation.
7. Take care of the home front.
Who we are and what we are able to accomplish come directly from the foundations we build. So work on the relationships inside your tightest circles.
8. Worry less.
Worry steals everything worthwhile from today and adds nothing worthwhile to tomorrow. Worried people see problems; concerned people find solutions.
9. Remember you’re more amazing than you think.
In a selfish age, those who care for others make God smile. So never underestimate the power of a kind word, a touch, a smile, a tear, or a compliment. You are the answer to someone’s prayer. Be assured that there will be resistance, but the rewards are out of this world.
10. Go looking for the blessings.
Don’t worry, you’ll find them. They’re everywhere.
