For six months after my husband died, I did not see the top of my dining room table. Funeral papers and federal, provincial and local government documents were stacked there along with all the sympathy cards. Acknowledgements of monetary gifts to the church and to the Cancer Society and the local hospital had to be made too. Much later I said to a friend, “If I’d known there was going to be so much paperwork, I wouldn’t have let him go.” And of course, I had no say in the matter and at the end I told him to “go with the Lord.” But oh, what a lot of work was left for me to do.
And of course there were the everyday things that still continued to roll along. I had never bought tires for the car before, the new dishwasher broke down two weeks after the warrantee expired and, strangely enough, the expensive TV my husband had bought 20 years earlier, proudly saying “it will last a lifetime,” did just that and died three months after his death.
A year later, I approached the session of my church and asked for permission to set up a seminar with speakers that could help people plan for their demise. It isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I was given the session’s full backing. The local funeral parlour were interested in the concept so I met them for lunch one day; a young accountant, the funeral director and a lawyer. Like a 427 airliner, the concept took off and before I knew it a venue was booked, meals were ordered and advertising had been arranged. But the most heartwarming thing for me was to see these young men, heads bent, praying for its success.
Registration filled immediately and we even had to refuse a few would-be attendees. That morning I went to introduce the speakers and, no doubt, I related to all the seniors when I explained that I had inadvertently left my notes on the kitchen counter at home and I’d just have to wing it. It was a successful event and I hope we can do it once a year.
We are often asked to bear loads we thought impossible, and it is said God can use even tragedies for good. The loss of my husband made me realize how those left behind are asked to deal with so much. The seminar made me feel that in some way, we had helped others to get through that loss a little easier. I hope so anyway.
