Life

'Tis the season to remain teachable

Last year for Lent I wrote about a little tit-bird that ended up causing me to eat a large crow. In said article I waxed eloquent about how we westerners, unlike the lowly easterner who has to rely on a hairy-tailed rodent to tell them when spring will occur, have a much better way to recognize the end of winter. I wrote how we westerners have the lovely little western wood-pewee who sings its plaintiff little "peee-weee song at the first harbinger of spring." Said article spawned two letters to the editor. One letter, published the following month, indicated a person irked at the implied put down of uppity Upper Canadians that I had attempted as a fringe benefit in the article, a charge to which I should probably plead guilty.

The end is nigh, or not

I have already lived more than half the years I am expected to live according to trusted statistics about the average lifespan of males in Canada. And, as I celebrate yet another birth anniversary this month and the anniversary of my father's death, my thoughts turn, naturally, to the imminent apocalypse. Here, in no particular order, are sure signs the end is nigh:

Marriage Quiz

The following quiz is intended solely for the amusement of married couples. Keep in mind that quiz results should not be brought up during petty arguments, loud disagreements or in front of the children. Please answer the questions honestly, bearing in mind that while it is impossible to fail this test, your answers may determine whether or not you spend the night on the couch.

Unexpected, out of place and persistent

What was that blood curdling scream Hon? You look ghastly, like you have just seen a ghost." Linda chuckled, peering at me over her reading glasses in that schoolmarmish way that turns on the schoolboy in me every time. The problem was I was so shocked by the trauma that I really didn't appreciate it very much.

Searching for the real thing

The richest person on earth cannot get a better Coca-Cola than the poorest. Unlike wine, whiskey, beer and even water, there is only one Coke for all. Coke is a purely democratic beverage, finding no barrier of access or taste. And there is no variance in the taste – the Coke I bought in Egypt tastes exactly like the ones I had in Belgium and in Pakistan.

Bath time testimony

It's bath night. Around the world hurried and harried parents seize precious moments to rest and recharge while their children set uncontested Olympic records in the dunking and I-got-more-water-on-the-walls-and-ceiling-than-you-did events.

Have a merry materialism month

I don't like the Christmas season. December is the most stressful month of the year, the good cheer is forced down our throats, suicide rates are at their highest, the music is tiresome and the money-bleed is shocking. The bathetic romance of family and friendship is in high gear, as if we must love and show our love more this month. It's a cheap collection of cheap emotions; and invariably some pompous columnist or sincere preacher or self-important relative will make the point that Christmas has become too materialistic.

Remembrance of Christmases past

The older I get the more I'm convinced that memory and smell are linked. I love the smell of Christmas: Sugar cookies baking. The turkey sizzling. I love the taste of Christmas too: Mixed nuts. Mandarin oranges. Fresh dirt from one of my brother Tim's incoming snowballs. Ah, Christmastime.

Fairy stories say it best

Why is it sometimes necessary to search outside of the formal writing of theologians to understand our faith? I am best able to understand the majesty of Christ not when I read Karl Barth, but when I look at the lion, Aslan. I am best able to imagine how evil works not when I read John Calvin, but when I consider the one ring and how it destroyed the life of Gollum. I am best able to grasp the courage of our convictions, not when I read Jurgen Moltmann, but when I see Harry Potter's refusal to be seduced by the power that Voldemort offers him.

Homeland security

Horn Lake is my favorite place in the entire world. It is three hours to the west from the nearest village of Williams Lake. It forms the headwater of the west branch of the Homathko River or Mosley Creek on the very western edge of the dry interior Chilcotin Plateau. It is 80 kilometres from the Pacific Ocean where the Homathko empties into the deep fiord of Butte Inlet whose entrance is just north of Desolation Sound and guarded by Quadra and Cortez Islands. Once thought to be the best option for a rail-linked seaport with the rest of Canada, the Chilcotin-Homathko-Butte Inlet alternative lost out to the much longer and more difficult route through the Fraser Canyon and the much lesser natural harbour of Vancouver in Canada's most famous political scandal called the C.P.R. The results were that the rough gravel road now ends just beyond Horn Lake and access to Butte Inlet is still by water or ancient Indian trail.

Defending Sunday service

I received letters in response to my July/August column. Some were offended I would suggest Sunday morning service is often a waste of time. Others agreed. I present one of these letters in place of my column this month. It is by Rev. Laurence DeWolfe, of Saint David's, Halifax. He also teaches preaching at the Atlantic School of Theology.

A fork in the road

I have been a husband for nearly 10 years now, so needless to say I know virtually everything there is to know about my wife's needs. For instance, I know that she can get by without food for 40 days and 40 nights, but definitely not without chocolate. I also know that she needs clean laundry, flowers, nurturing, romance, protection, a listening ear and clothes that fit. Whereas my basic needs are…well, pizza.

The resistance of the believing soul

Years ago when I watched the movie Schindler's List, I wondered how a ranking German officer came to be such a courageous man of conscience in saving a thousand Polish Jews from the fate of Hitler's final solution. What propels a person to live out ethical principles when the stakes are so high and the prevailing culture so seductive?

Smelly Christians

The old girl came out onto the power line about a thousand metres down wind from me. She just sort of popped out of the brush and was suddenly there in my binoculars. She was not alone. Her young cub of six months was comically gamboling along beside her as she ambled determinedly, in typical black bear fashion, down the edge of the power line towards me.