What makes us family? – John 10:22-30

What makes us family? My grandmother often said: “We can’t choose our family; thank God we can choose our friends.”  Our natural family relationships are not always with people we might have chosen.  Many people find that they develop closer bonds with people not in their natural family and often come to refer to them as their brothers or sisters, aunts or uncles or whatever other term might best describe the relationship.  So, while we have a definition of family based on blood relationships, we find that we also have other definitions of family.

Of course, we know that a simple definition of family is not as simple as it sounds. The acknowledged physical makeup of families today is more diverse and inclusive than at any time of history.  For each of us, our understanding of family comes from the example of those in our lives who have had the greatest influence on our thinking and behaviour; and when we marry someone – if that be our decision or choice – we will discover our understanding of family challenged as we encounter people whose concept of family may differ from our own.

Here is something else to consider.  Every family has its culture just as every organization and group that we are part of in life has a culture.  The families we are born into share that culture with us.  And – to a greater or lesser extent – that culture will remain a part of us for the rest of our lives.  Every time we start a new phase in our lives – be it school, work, or social activities – we encounter a new culture.  We may find that there are aspects of the new culture that we cannot accept and that may cause us to not feel secure in the group and we may eventually drop out.

What we experience of family as we grow influences our own ideas about family and will influence the decisions we make around our own families.   Patterns for behaviour and thought that have been taught to us by word and example by our parents continue to be part of us and have an influence on our choices in life.

As children, many of us may have experienced what we believe to be an ideal family but for many others the reality is far different. Family can be a messy business!  We often find ourselves in less-than-ideal situations as we strive to create an environment where we can live our lives in relative peace and harmony while dealing with the various personalities and competing agendas that fill our daily lives.

Passing judgement on others because their family does not reflect the ideal that we or the society we live in wants is not something new to this time. Even in Jesus’ day, people were marginalized, persecuted, and even killed for not following or upholding the accepted definition of family.

It is unfortunate that Jesus did not leave us a blueprint for family by detailing all the different forms that he believed family could take.  Except for those instances in which Jesus was asked specific questions about family, he has left us to seek the guidance of God through the Holy Spirit to provide us with answers as we struggle to understand the complex nature of our own physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual being and how we can relate to one another in positive and affirming ways.

Much of what Jesus did teach about family and relationships had more to do with our new family – the one that we were being called into regardless of our earthly family. That new family that Jesus spoke of was one that was to transcend all the concepts and experiences of family that we may have had in this life.  The Apostle John even goes as far as to tell us that every one of us will experience adoption into the family of God – regardless of how we have come into this world and regardless of what status our family may have had in this world.

But we are given clues to the image of family to which Jesus alludes.  At one point it is pointed out to Jesus that his mother and brothers are in the crowd. The expectation was that he would leave the crowd and go with them. His response was to say that those who did the will of the Father were his mother and brothers. At the time of his crucifixion, Jesus looks at John and tells him that Mary will now be his mother and that John will be her son.  In our present passage from John’s Gospel, Jesus declares that those who hear his voice and respond are part of the family of God.  While the words are not directly spoken, there is an implied understanding. These accounts reveal to us that family for Jesus was more than a blood relation.  For Jesus, family had more to do with real living relationships than with some inherited right.

One of the most famous passages of Scripture which is often read at marriage services is from 1 Corinthians 13 where Paul speaks of the qualities of love and of its importance over any attributes a person could ever have.  It really is a description of the ideal that we are to strive for in our relationships both within our natural families but also in those relationships which we form with people in our faith community as well as our social and business contacts.  Our love is never to be conditional upon the response of the other person.  We are not to do unto others only as they do unto us.

In a world where so many struggle to find a positive family relationship, God reveals a new family with a new vision.  He invites any and all people to embrace this new family and trusts that it will be an accepting and supportive family.  God’s intention is to give us a model for family that transcends our blood relationships and encourages us to create a family where real love and mutual respect are lived.  God’s desire is that we be ever mindful of the needs of one another; that we encourage each other to be supportive and have genuine affection for one another.  God’s desire is that we learn to create and maintain an environment where each person can feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually secure.

What makes us family?  It is our decision to see ourselves in relationship with one another; it is our decision to believe that while we are not related by our own blood, we are related through the blood of Jesus Christ. We can choose to become brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, sons, and daughters to one another in the new family to which we are all invited by Jesus.   May we find ourselves guided by the words of John, of Paul and of Jesus as we seek ever more to be a part of the family of God.

AMEN